I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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