I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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