Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
