i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
