it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
