I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
