oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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