I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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