I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
