I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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