So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
