okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
