Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
