I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
