You really coming over, don't trick.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
