When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
