Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
