If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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