"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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