if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Of course I have a pirate flag
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize