oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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