Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
