Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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