3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
