I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
