sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
