OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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