piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
