I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
