you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
