When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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