She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
