I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
