And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
