just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
