i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
