They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I just googled if crying burns calories
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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