the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
