he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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