I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
