K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
