i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
