and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
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