why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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