Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
