those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
