All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize