how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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