I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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