HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
