There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
