I look better un-naked...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
