My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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