I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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