I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
