ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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