Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
