I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize