I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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