if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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