i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize