she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
