He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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