Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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