I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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