Me too!
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
