Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
