i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
We need to rekindle our bromance
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
