I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Randomize
