I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
