I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
