Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
